The Filker's Flu

(tune: Monster Mash)

(Words in [ ] are sung by chorus)

I was working in my lab on Halloween
Trying to sequence just one more gene
Added the marker, broke the DNA down
Then I read the results; you won't believe what I found!

[It was the gene]
It was the filking gene
[The filking gene]
Do you know what that means?
[The filking gene]
Anyone can be screened
[Test for the gene]
Screened for the filking gene

I triple-checked the results; it was still good to go
Then I grabbed up the phone, called every filker I know
Took a sample from each, then from sixty controls
When I finished the study, I knew I'd struck gold

[I had the key]
Had the genetic key
[Genetic key]
It unraveled for me
[The filking key]
I could let everyone see
[The filking key]
I had the filking key

I found it in one of my guests
Who filked more than the rest
I needed more information
So I started a few more tests

Well, I spotted a site down at the end of the gene
That increases production when it binds to caffeine
And it's linked to a spot on chromosome seventeen
Which luckily seems to be the musical gene

[So catch the gene]
So catch the filking gene
[The filking gene]
And you will know what I mean
[Filk what you mean]
You will filk everything
[You need the gene]
You need the filking gene

Well, I vectored it out and made thousands of clones
And spliced it with a viral chromosome
It worked on my brother when I tried it at home
So I brought it this weekend, and let them all go

[Now it's the flu]
Now it's the filking flu
[The filking flu]
And I've spread it to you
[The flu's got you]
Soon you'll be filking too
[You've got the flu]
You've got the filking flu

I brought it to WorldCon; it spread through the fen
They all took it home, and it spread out again
Now the world's busy filking everything that they see
There's no time for fighting; we've got musical peace

[Thanks to the flu]
Thanks to the filking flu
[The filking flu]
I hope that you've got it too
[Go catch the flu]
Everyone needs the flu
[The filking flu]
You need the filking flu

Spoken: Next I'll find...the punster's gene
[No! No! Not that! Aaaaarrrgghhh.....]